The weekend is upon us and these mid-summer weekends remind me of Spiderman, because with great weather comes great responsibility. You’ll feel guilty spending the whole time indoors with the sun shining outside, but coming up with a weekend warrior plan is so arduous and time-consuming. Instead of going through the same-old same-old “let’s go to the beach” or “we should fire up the grill and have a barbeque,” pick one of these great ideas to make this weekend one you’ll never forget.
1. Wrap Yourself in a Giant Tortilla and Run Through the Neighborhood Yelling “Don’t You Want to Taco ‘Bout It?”
There’s nothing quite like a late July tortilla run. It gets the blood moving and gives you the chance to meet neighbors who you may have previously avoided (or vice versa). Where are you going to get a giant tortilla you ask? That’s a problem you’re going to have to solve by yourself. See? Now you have TWO things to do this weekend! What fun you’ll have.
2. Get a Dog!
I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not asking you to make a commitment to caring for an animal for the next 8-16 years depending on breed and current age. I don’t mean that you should go out and adopt a dog. I mean you should get one for the weekend. That could mean picking one out that you see on the street and borrowing it for the weekend or just offering free dog-walking on Craigslist and not returning your client pooch until Monday. There are tons of great ways to get dogs that come with zero responsibility. And if you’re worried about picking up poop, don’t worry. Just leave it on the ground and if anyone has a problem with that, you can just throw your dog at them.
3. Cry. Cry cry cry cry cry.
When was the last time you had a good cry? It’s probably been a while, unless of course you recently stubbed your toe or lost someone close to you. Did somebody take your dog? No? Can you imagine someone taking your dog? Great. Now think about that for a while and let the waterworks flow. Man, you’re going to feel better. I’m crying right now and I feel great. Cleoooooooooooooooooooo! (that’s my dog’s name)
4. Develop telekinesis.
Every time I see a spoon, I think, “I wish I could move that with my mind.” I’ve never quite figured it out, though. If you’ve ever been in the same boat, try spending the next few days staring at things and commanding them to move with your mind. If it works, you’re going to be a really valuable weapon for militaries everywhere. If it doesn’t work, you probably got some good meditation time in anyway. Just be careful. Once you develop telekinesis, the work isn’t done. You still have to learn how to control it.
5. Set up a lemonade stand.
You remember those good ol’ days when you’d set up a table in your driveway and charge neighbors a quarter for a glass of powdered Crystal Light with way too much sugar. Recreate that, but step it up. You’re not a kid anymore, bro. Find a great space with lots of foot traffic. Make sure you have plenty of parking. Hire a solid interior designer and get your permitting in place. Within three to four months, the build-out will be complete and you can start hiring staff. Offer more than minimum wage, but not so much that your margins suffer. Open your doors with the help of a coordinated PR campaign. Make a deal with a local lemon grower and market your product to the hipster lemonade lovers in your town. Within a year or two, open a second store, realize it was a mistake, stop paying taxes, get caught by the IRS, start a Kickstarter campaign to pay down your debt, watch the campaign come up short by $41.34 and sell the store to a nice Armenian couple who use it to open a small craft store.