Friends, we are gathered here today to lay to rest Google Express. My free trial is now over, which means it has — quite literally — expired. While the service lives on in the hearts and homes of others, it has delivered its last box of Kleenex to me, which is ironic because I could really use some to dry my weeping eyes.
For those unfamiliar with Google Express (formerly known as Google Shopping Express), it was the Big G’s greatest innovation since
Google Wave Google Glass Gmail. It’s a delivery service that lets you order from popular stores like Target and Costco and have your order delivered the same day in a time-window of your choice. Essentially, it was magic.
I used the service for toiletries, paper goods, heavy cartons of bottled water, and so much more. If it was 9:30am and I realized I only had one roll of toilet paper left, I didn’t need to run out to the store and interrupt my day. I just browsed over to Google Express and picked whichever ply my heart desired and selected the 1pm-5pm delivery window. By 5 that day, a whole brick of TP would be sitting on my doorstep waiting for me. Now that’s convenience.
I really came to rely on Google Express. My free trial started on May 5, 2014 and it immediately became a part of my life. Shampoo, rugs, baking soda — all of it was available to me for same-day delivery at no delivery cost. Originally, the trial was supposed to run six months, but it just kept renewing month after month. For eleven glorious months, I kept ordering. Then my whole world shattered.
On April 1st, I received an email informing me that my free trial has finally ended. It was like an April Fools Day prank gone wrong. The service I had come to love so much for its unbelievable convenience and speed had finally let me down. This is the email I received:
It felt like a death in the family. How was I supposed to get deodorant without leaving my house? Who could I turn to for emergency deliveries of bike pumps and microwave popcorn? Sure, I could continue my relationship with Google Express, but now I’d have to pay as if I’m some sort to of Delivery John and Google Express is my Delivery… Working Girl.
Ten dollars a month or $95 per year. That’s what it would cost to keep Google Express in my life. Sure, ten bucks isn’t much in the scheme of things, but would I rather pay $10 or just get off my ass and go to the store? The answer is clear to me.
That’s why we’re saying goodbye to Google Express today. It was fun while it lasted, but now, my dear delivering friend, you’re dead to me.